It's news to us
EUROPE has ended the argument about whether British or German holidaymakers are the worst by confirming that they both are.
8/1/2014 7:26:31 AM
A GROUP of neighbourhood dogs said last night’s two-hour barking session was one of the best this year.
8/1/2014 6:43:01 AM
THE celebration of National Orgasm Day has been followed by a day of changing the subject, turning over and pretending to go to sleep.
8/1/2014 5:54:48 AM
SCOTLAND has been overwhelmed by boring, self-obsessed people with something to prove.
8/1/2014 5:14:07 AM
SCIENTISTS are to map the DNA of everyone in Britain in a bid to find out why so many of you are dreadful.
8/1/2014 4:44:07 AM
TRADITIONAL village penis pill retailers are facing closure as customers desert them for online competitors.
8/1/2014 4:17:05 AM
GATWICK has doubled its staff of surly baggage-flingers.
8/1/2014 4:05:16 AM
PEOPLE who go to Burning Man festival have been explaining what it is in a slightly condescending tone.
7/31/2014 6:06:29 AM
AN exciting new piece of technology is nowhere near ready and will never come into widespread use.
7/31/2014 5:08:37 AM
SOFTLY-SPOKEN Paul Scholes will be voiced by Julie Walters when he appears as a pundit on BT Sport.
7/31/2014 4:49:23 AM
You need to throw his school bag in a river.
7/31/2014 4:21:58 AM
CHILDREN have moved on from their love for pirates to a fascination with hired killers.
7/31/2014 4:12:30 AM
WORKERS are being coerced into joining complex and tedious fantasy football games.
7/31/2014 3:55:05 AM
DAVID Cameron has set up a Cabinet committee to decide if ebola is a bad thing.
7/30/2014 6:41:29 AM
BRITONS are expected to vote in favour of opening a box containing unspeakable evil.
7/30/2014 6:06:14 AM
Taurus (20 APRIL - 20 MAY)
On Sunday you rehearse for putting flea drops on your cat by trying to apply oil to the teeth of a working chainsaw.
7/30/2014 5:38:42 AM
GLASGOW'S Commonwealth Games officials have confirmed that Usain Bolt is a dead man walking.
7/30/2014 4:45:44 AM
PIONEERING rugby league players may break with 119 years of tradition to avoid tackles instead of running straight into them.
7/30/2014 4:28:52 AM
THE £640m asking price of London's Gherkin building is far more than Gherkins are fetching outside the capital.
7/30/2014 4:03:07 AM
A WEDGE of Stilton has returned fully intact from its fifth picnic of the summer.
7/30/2014 3:48:05 AM