It's news to us
BRAWLING is the most effective way to shed excess weight, according to doctors.
3/7/2014 7:00:00 AM
TONY Blair is to give all his material possessions to the Labour Party.
3/7/2014 5:42:02 AM
ED Miliband has admitted to employing a nasty little Scottish woman to help around the house.
3/7/2014 5:00:02 AM
THE creator of Bitcoin has been revealed as a mere mortal who cannot dispense hearts, brains or courage.
3/7/2014 4:52:10 AM
GROWN-UPS should stop expecting to be treated as if they are special once a year, it has been claimed.
3/7/2014 4:06:38 AM
GIANT lizards from prehistory were just made up to sell toys and books, scientists have admitted.
3/7/2014 3:50:04 AM
NATIONALISM continues to be the best way of making everything better, it has been confirmed.
3/6/2014 6:08:09 AM
PROFESSIONAL careers advisors have admitted that their job is awful so they should probably shut up.
3/6/2014 5:56:14 AM
THE England football team’s new psychologist will focus on helping players recover from nightmares about John Terry.
3/6/2014 5:22:14 AM
I can't even get up from a chair without letting one rip.
3/6/2014 4:49:29 AM
THE people who were utterly convinced that fat was the worst thing are now utterly convinced that it is sugar.
3/6/2014 4:41:21 AM
BERNIE Ecclestone has struck a deal to take Formula One to the land of Mordor, where the shadows lie.
3/6/2014 4:37:05 AM
STONEHENGE was a set of primitive percussion instruments used to keep kids busy on rainy days, it has emerged.
3/6/2014 4:04:39 AM
A TAX on kestrels belonging to underprivileged young boys is vital to Britain’s economic recovery, according to the prime minister.
3/6/2014 3:46:37 AM
NICK Clegg and Nigel Farage are to argue in public about which of their two parties contains the most freaks.
3/5/2014 7:26:23 AM
NEWCASTLE boss Alan Pardew's headbutt on a Hull player was out of keeping with his unexciting personality, it has been claimed.
3/5/2014 5:29:11 AM
LENT is bollocks, it has been confirmed.
3/5/2014 5:20:07 AM
BBC3 will be merged with CBeebies as the broadcaster puts all its toddler-based programmes under the same roof.
3/5/2014 4:26:43 AM
AN ARGUMENT on the internet has been resolved to the satisfaction of both parties.
3/5/2014 4:22:55 AM
Taurus (20 APRIL - 20 MAY)
This week, why not grow a stupid-shaped beard, pretend you're a street magician and convince strangers to throw their phone under a bus?
3/5/2014 4:06:52 AM