SOME of the things that appear on Twitter have to be vaguely accurate, the High Court has ruled.

5/24/2013 6:40:57 AM

ABSOLUTELY everything your colleagues do is annoying, it has emerged.

5/24/2013 6:00:13 AM

BRITISH men must attend a series of self-hate seminars to increase their body neuroses.

5/24/2013 4:35:13 AM

A SHARP decline in hedgehog numbers has been blamed on the ineffectiveness of curling into a ball when threatened.

5/24/2013 3:48:19 AM

POLICE have set up an avatar unit to tackle crime in online role-playing games.

5/23/2013 7:44:37 AM

CANADIAN crooner Michael Bublé is incapable of doing up a tie.

5/23/2013 5:52:31 AM

Pretend your brother is joining One Direction.

5/23/2013 5:01:13 AM

MEN wearing balaclavas have been making a dreadful situation better.

5/23/2013 4:24:28 AM

JIHADISTS said the idea of a woman being in charge of young males in uniform was driving them crazy.

5/23/2013 4:04:47 AM

HIGHWAY Code-averse pop star George Michael is a tight, efficient parallel parker, it has emerged. The Wham! legend, who has a chequered motoring history, was seen reversing his Range Rover into a spot described by onlookers as “tighter than a cat’s arse”. 27-year-old bystander Nikki Hollis said: “We were all like, ‘that’s George Michael, he’s [...]

5/22/2013 7:28:40 AM

Yahoo! is increasingly frustrated at the lack of any government investigation into its tax payments. A company source said: “Everyone’s all ‘Google’s evading this’ and ‘Apple’s not paying what’, but what about good old Yahoo!? “For all they know we could be running some awesomely creative tax scam, ploughing our vast profits into offshore Jurassic [...]

5/22/2013 6:45:24 AM

BRITAIN is to be detached from the Earth's crust and moved away from Europe.

5/22/2013 6:01:14 AM

MICROSOFT'S Xbox One heralds the dawn of a new era in sitting on your fat lazy backside.

5/22/2013 4:39:46 AM

Leo (23 JUL-22 AUG) After enjoying Norman Tebbit’s views on sexuality this week, you can’t wait to read Eric Pickles’s thoughts on jogging.

5/22/2013 4:01:01 AM

CAR and bike owners have agreed that they hate people who travel on foot.

5/22/2013 3:58:14 AM

GAY marriage could force Britain to read about a newly married lesbian queen opening a hospital, it has emerged.

5/21/2013 6:52:54 AM

CHEAPER caviar being passed off as high-end sevruga caviar probably amounts to a parable of some kind, it has been claimed. Professor Henry Brubaker of the Institute for Studies said: “Sevruga caviar is a luxury favoured by the disgustingly rich. “But they were all duped, partly perhaps by their own vanity and arrogance. “There’s a [...]

5/21/2013 5:54:26 AM

APPLE'S diehard fans are queuing outside the company's stores eager to snap-up the latest beautifully designed way of avoiding tax.

5/21/2013 5:11:18 AM

I must admit being flattered when I was asked to spin in Tel Aviv last weekend.

5/21/2013 5:05:42 AM

FORMER Premier League players have joined forces to fight crime in exotic locations.

5/21/2013 4:12:12 AM