It's news to us
EARTH'S most famous inhabitants are being challenged to survive a millennium-long ice age for charity.
8/22/2014 6:11:15 AM
THE Army is kicking in doors across Britain today in the search for extreme vacuum cleaners.
8/22/2014 5:25:20 AM
NIGEL Farage has confirmed UKIP's general election manifesto will be printed as an optical illusion.
8/22/2014 5:05:55 AM
MUSIC fans say high prices at Reading are making it impossible to shower acts in urine.
8/22/2014 4:43:16 AM
NON-RESIDENTS of Notting Hill are looking forward to this year’s chance to destroy the affluent London borough with impunity.
8/22/2014 4:12:07 AM
MARIO Balotelli has assured the Liverpool management that he has all the equipment he needs.
8/22/2014 4:07:48 AM
A 21 year-old woman has managed to link every event of the last week to her backpacking trip to Thailand.
8/22/2014 3:38:44 AM
THE omnipotent John Lewis has descended from the heavens to stop customers taking the piss with free cakes.
8/21/2014 5:43:12 AM
RICHARD Dawkins has taken to walking down the street saying horrible, unprovoked things to total strangers.
8/21/2014 4:47:59 AM
I can't advise on conventional personal weaponry, as they've recently banned it at my school.
8/21/2014 4:40:18 AM
ARSENAL’S poor performance against Besiktas has been blamed on the rigours of playing football for nearly a fortnight.
8/21/2014 4:23:27 AM
THE father of Coldplay’s Chris Martin keeps asking when he’s going to bring his new girlfriend home.
8/21/2014 3:53:29 AM
THE middle class shoppers who switched to budget supermarkets have wondered if they can switch back soon.
8/21/2014 3:41:32 AM
AGGRESSIVE swans like those terrorising tourists on the river Cam are to replace Britain’s nuclear arsenal.
8/20/2014 9:25:15 AM
A 25-YEAR-OLD woman’s punk-influenced hair has been verbally abusing her family.
8/20/2014 6:21:17 AM
Taurus (20 APRIL - 20 MAY)
Looks like summer is over. For you anyway, unless your appeal comes through.
8/20/2014 5:41:38 AM
EVERY female character in TV and film is now exceptionally determined and hard as nails.
8/20/2014 5:26:07 AM
PREMIER League referee Chris Foy faces an investigation after using vanishing spray to push party guests back 10 yards.
8/20/2014 4:51:40 AM
UNMARRIED people are to be forced into strangers' family homes as long-lost aunts or uncles, the government has announced.
8/20/2014 4:25:13 AM
REGULARLY eating food protects against death, it has emerged.
8/20/2014 3:50:35 AM